Category Archives: humor my funny bone

job search should be allowed on resumes

Good afternoon my fellow blog lovers across the world. I am going to have a rant blog today and we are going to discuss how much of a pain in the ass job searching is!! Yes, I just said the bad word that I tell my children not to say. 

I’m sitting here in my living room with my legs crossed on the over sized chair across from the television, eating cheese dip and salsa, and feeling the warmth coming from my roaring fireplace that I in some magical way have kept it going now for several hours. I have given up momentarily on my job search; I just needed a breather from search engines, cover letters, resumes, salary requirements, benefit packages, and job skills, So, here I am stuffing my face with salsa that I believe was made with fire, just so I can feel something other than anxiety and the urge to jump ship. Looking for a new job or a new career path is not the marshmallow in my hot cocoa. I have been self employed for quite some time and I love it. I want more though and I need more stimulation and challenge in my life. So, on top of being a mother and homemaker and entrepreneur, I have decided to go back into the workforce.

I cannot believe how time consuming looking for a job is today. I say this like I have been around for ages and I’m only in my early thirties. Resumes today are filled with fluff and verbiage that employers just don’t care about. To be honest so many employers care about  being bilingual and having a bachelors degree, not matter what the degree is and then the pay is so low that I don’t understand how someone could live off of the salary that these employers are wanting to pay. Don’t get me wrong, a job is a job and I am in no way a nose pointing money hungry better than. I’m frugal and I make life work with what I have.  But, when you are actively searching for a job – it is a full time job in itself. I have been on the “hunt” since last Friday and I haven’t done my laundry, washed my sheets, eaten a meal with my family, shaved my legs, or even gone to the grocery store. I am full fledged deep inside the job market and completely obsessed. 

Just the other night, my husband I were spending time together hanging out in the kitchen after the kids went to bed and what was I doing? I WAS ON MY PHONE SEARCHING FOR JOBS AND EMAILING THEM TO MYSELF FOR FOLLOW UP THE NEXT DAY! My poor sweet husband just looked at me, sighed a little, and I eventually put down the phone and breathed a little. So, yes I think that we should put “job search” on our resumes; at least for those who just won’t give up like myself. 

I promise to give myself a night off from job searching tonight. No I promise to only spend two hours tonight researching job opportunities. That’s fair, right? 🙂 Thanks for listening and perhaps I will be on this evening to give you a new blog with something less rant and more fun.

…..til we blog again – Heather

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i am a terrible blogger*

blogging is fun

i have misplaced my urge to purge words this year. but I’m back and I’m taking names.

So, It must be obvious to many of you…..that I have been OFF the grid for some time now. I suck. I know. I am a terrible blogger. I’ve decided to come back. Redeem my self worth online and know that each day I will post something new even if it’s boring, because I want to socially interact with you guys and let out the rants that keep my brain tied up.

I will see you tomorrow. Lot’s of love. -Heather

i promise have not run away…..i’ve been SICK

tissueboxclipartalright, i know….the pain has been almost unbearable and i’m sorry – i miss you too. i have not run away; i’ve been super sick. it sucks, i do realize this. especially when i have been coughing my frenzied brain off for two weeks now while taking care of a house full of hungry children, a tall husband and two dogs!! i am however on the mend of healthy so i wanted to tell you all that i have my little red book ready with tons of cough syrup induced blog post ideas that i cannot wait to share with you all. happy wednesday everyone!

-heather

have you looked under your oven recently? i have and guess what i found…

let me start out by saying…I LOVE TO COOK. there i said it. it’s in the open for the universe to see and know that even when it’s 6 o’clock and i’m tormenting my family because i have to cook dinner….i’m secretly reveling in my awesomeness. that’s right, i am the next top mom chef. lies? no. i don’t think so. more like the secret truth behind the the story of heather, super hero at heart.

what’s with my ranting about my awesome cooking skills? sit down and i’ll tell you. see unlike many of you, i hold the world record for “losing” food under the …..dunn…dunn…dunn…OVEN! shh…..the oven people might hear, so try and contain the excitement for what i am about to speak of.

so i’m cooking. in my groove and doing my thing. and then BHAM, a brussel sprout drops to the floor and what does it do? it rolls. that’s right. it rolls right under the oven of all places. gone. haha. i think to myself….”i can save you brussel sprout”. so i set my bamboo spatula down on the counter and take the all mighty four legged I lost something position. but much to my disbelief, the under oven is CLEAN and free of any brussel spout waiting to be saved and fed to the dog. it’s just as if it had never dropped and rolled under the oven at all. oh man. so i think “boy am i going to have a toot of a brussel sprout stinking up my kitchen next week”. but no. no stinky smell. no brussel sprout. because the oven people captured the dropped brussel sprout and took it away for their people of the oven feast. it’s not just the brussel sprout. it’s all things. they stop at nothing to eat the rolling goods.

i have oven people living under my oven, capturing and eating the food that drops and rolls underneath. i bet you do too. so….what may i ask has rolled under your oven recently?

-heather

what's under your oven?

what’s under your oven?

want to see some pitch slapping??? funniest movie that you must watch

omgosh!!!! okay so i am a huge lover of music and HUMOR. who doesn’t like humor? i know, but we are not talking about our third grade english teacher. so here is a little back story to my funny favorite movie of the month, ready?

my oldest child was at a big sleep over with her girlfriends last weekend. she is a tween and as much as I would like her to be a toddler, unfortunately she is most definitely not. anyway, it’s around 9ish Saturday night and my sweet rule abiding child video calls me to ask if she can can watch this new blu ray movie her friend got for her bday. what do i do you ask? i look over at my hibby and he is already looking it up on google. hahaha. he looks over and says HECK NO! i of course bust out laughing. i can see myself in the bottom corner picture box and i’m totally trying to keep my cool and look cute while i break my sweet child’s heart and popularity. (i was still praising her in my head and aloud for calling to see if it was okay)

i go on to tell her as my hibby’s overpowering voice echoes in the background, that there is sexual referencing, language and drug referencing. i can hear her friends in the background going, “nuh, uh…no that’s another movie called picture perfect”. either way i doomed the rest of her girl power night with a big fat NO. somehow the connection on the video got disconnected….yes i think she politely ended the call. ANNNND, so then i decided to look it up on youtube. i saw the trailer, and it was actually pretty funny looking. seeing how my child is a TAD naive and totally into music and singing…..i figured she would come home with questions on what words meant. I DECIDED TO LET HER WATCH IT. there was only verbal mentioning of inappropriate wordage and there was no sexual content scenes. i called her on her friends phone and told her that i was TOTALLY KIDDING and then the connection was lost. needless to say, my sweet tween was overly exciting. her awesomely cool mother did in fact not ruin the night and the movie rocked.

in turn….I RENTED THE MOVIE FROM REDBOX so i could see for myself why my child came home asking what a “slut, boner, and herpes was”. that’s right….aaahhahaha. all i could do was laugh to myself because i am the one that provided and worked hard to have an open relationship with my children. and when they overhear or read a word that they do not know, they come ask me and i tell them. this was the first time i could not answer right away. how do you tell your tween who already has had the short no detail version of the birds and bees, what a boner is. i mean come on. i actually fell to the floor in a laughing fit because i had no idea how to tell her without terrifying her into her late twenties.

ramble. ramble. ramble. my apologies. i just want to say that if you want a good laugh and a breather one night, please go rent the movie Pitch Perfect. hilarious. fat amy is awesome!

-heather

Image

i mustache you a question ….

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Image                        yes yes yes – – we are all on board with the MUSTACHE, well i am and if you aren’t then i think you will be after seeing my ultra entertaining photos. so, not too long ago i did a photo booth party where i had MUSTACHE props and we had the best time! in my opinion children with MUSTACHES are way more cuter than adults with MUSTACHES. agree with me? i thought you would. due to my over pouring humor, i have taken time to add a tiny MUSTACHE to a few of the adorable little faces i’ve photographed recently (remember the i am a photographer part) and i think you should try it too. i have provided a mustache.png you can save and use on your own photos!!! i’d love to see your own MUSTACHE funnies.

so i mustache you a question….will you mustache someone too???

-heather

wife vs. husband : the breakfast plate

okay, so we had breakfast for dinner last night. it was quite delicious and yes i managed to clean my plate! i am in desperate need of a new skillet so in turn my pancakes wound up looking like word blurbs, which worked out quite well for this wife vs. husband post and the kids went coocoo for them too (which is a plus in the mom department) so, i made my plate cute and fun and then i set out a plate for my husband to make and as you can see this is what he came up with. some of the kids of course, did a little copycat of daddy which i thought was quite funny! but yes wife vs. husband breakfast plate…..gotta love it!